81 jokes
Around the house
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Ages 5+
Show the punchlineHide the punchline
It was two tired.
Did you hear about the new broom?
Ages 8+
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It's sweeping the nation.
What do you call a belt made of watches?
Ages 8+
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A waist of time.
What did the blanket say to the bed?
Ages 5+
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“Don't worry, I've got you covered.”
Why did the picture go to jail?
Ages 5+
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It was framed.
Why did the kid take a pencil to bed?
Ages 5+
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To draw the curtains.
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
Ages 5+
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A can't opener.
Why did Dad put his money in the freezer?
Ages 5+
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He wanted cold, hard cash.
Why did Dad sit on the clock?
Ages 5+
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He wanted to be on time.
What do you call a dad who stays out in the snow too long?
Ages 5+
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A pop-sicle.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Ages 5+
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“Between you and me, something smells.”
Why did the coffee call the police?
Ages 8+
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It got mugged.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
Ages 5+
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“Meet you at the corner.”
Food
What do you call a cow on a trampoline?
Ages 5+
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A milkshake.
How do you make a lemon drop?
Ages 5+
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Just let it fall.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses?
Ages 5+
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A spec-tater.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Ages 8+
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Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
Ages 8+
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A satisfactory.
Why do melons have such big weddings?
Ages 8+
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Because they cantaloupe.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Ages 8+
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Great food, no atmosphere.
How do you make an egg roll?
Ages 3+
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You give it a little push.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Ages 3+
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A gummy bear.
Why did Dad's coffee taste like dirt?
Ages 8+
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Because it was ground a few minutes ago.
What did Dad say after he ate a clock?
Ages 5+
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“Well, that was time-consuming.”
What did the sushi say to the bee?
Ages 8+
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“Wasabi!”
Animals
What do you call a bear with no ears?
Ages 5+
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A “b.”
How do you catch a squirrel?
Ages 3+
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Climb a tree and act like a nut.
What do you call a pile of kittens?
Ages 3+
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A meow-ntain.
What did the buffalo say when his son left for school?
Ages 8+
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“Bison!”
What do you call a duck that gets straight A's?
Ages 5+
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A wise quacker.
Why are cats bad at telling stories?
Ages 5+
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They only have one tale.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
Ages 8+
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An irrelephant.
What do you call the horse that lives next door?
Ages 3+
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Your neigh-bor.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Ages 5+
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Open-toad shoes.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees?
Ages 5+
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Because they're really good at it.
What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
Teens
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A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
What do you call a bee that was born in the U.S.?
Ages 8+
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A USB.
Jobs
Why did the worker at the calendar factory get fired?
Ages 5+
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He took a day off.
Why do firefighters wear red suspenders?
Ages 5+
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To hold their pants up.
Why didn't the student become a doctor?
Ages 8+
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They didn't have the patients.
Why did the mushroom get invited to every party?
Ages 5+
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Because he was a fungi.
What do lawyers wear to court?
Ages 8+
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Lawsuits.
Why are chefs so strong?
Ages 5+
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They beat eggs every day.
What's an electrician's favorite ice cream flavor?
Ages 5+
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Shock-olate.
Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floor?
Ages 8+
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He was just going through a stage.
What did the astronaut say after bumping into the moon?
Ages 8+
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“I Apollo-gize.”
What do you call a dentist who cleans an alligator's teeth?
Ages 5+
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Very brave.
Why did the gardener plant light bulbs?
Ages 8+
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She wanted to grow a power plant.
Sports & music
Why do dads bring an extra pair of socks when they golf?
Ages 5+
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In case they get a hole in one.
What's a runner's favorite subject in school?
Ages 5+
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Jog-raphy.
Why can't fish play the piano?
Ages 8+
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You can't tuna fish.
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?
Ages 5+
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Anna One and Anna Two.
What's the best way to watch a fishing tournament?
Ages 8+
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On a live stream.
Why did the musician keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Ages 5+
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He liked cool music.
What's a dog's favorite instrument?
Ages 5+
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The trom-bone.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
Ages 5+
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To reach the high notes.
What lights up a soccer stadium?
Ages 5+
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A soccer match.
Why did the tennis player get asked to leave the library?
Ages 8+
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She made too much racket.
Science & nature
Why can't you trust an atom?
Ages 8+
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They make up everything.
How do trees get on the internet?
Ages 5+
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They log in.
What did the volcano say to its best friend?
Ages 5+
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“I lava you.”
What's a tornado's favorite game?
Ages 5+
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Twister.
How does a scientist freshen her breath?
Ages 5+
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With experi-mints.
What did the ground say to the earthquake?
Ages 5+
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“You crack me up.”
What's the smartest insect?
Ages 5+
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A spelling bee.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
Ages 5+
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It was feeling green.
Why did the photon travel without a suitcase?
Teens
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It was traveling light.
What did one tectonic plate say when it bumped into the other?
Teens
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“Sorry, my fault.”
Dad one-liners
Say the first half, pause, then deliver the second half with a perfectly straight face.
I'd tell you a joke about the roof,
Ages 5+
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but it would go over your head.
I used to be a baker,
Ages 5+
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but I couldn't make enough dough.
I'm worried about the calendar.
Ages 5+
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Its days are numbered.
Want to hear a joke about paper?
Ages 5+
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Never mind. It's tearable.
I ordered a chicken and an egg online.
Ages 8+
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I'll let you know which comes first.
Dad says he's scared of speed bumps.
Ages 5+
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I told him he'll get over it.
I couldn't figure out why the frisbee kept getting bigger.
Ages 5+
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Then it hit me.
I used to play piano by ear.
Ages 5+
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Now I use my hands.
I'd tell you a chemistry joke,
Ages 8+
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but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
I don't trust trees.
Ages 5+
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They seem kind of shady.
I tried to start a hot-air balloon business,
Ages 5+
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but it never took off.
I dropped a whole wheel of cheese on the kitchen floor.
Ages 8+
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All that was left was de-brie.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
Ages 5+
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I don't know y.
Play it at a party
Groan-o-Meter
5–12
Ages
Any size, plus 2–4 grown-ups
Players
10–15 min
How long
- Give each grown-up (or older kid) a card with three dad jokes on it.
- Tellers take turns, one joke at a time, with the straightest face they can manage.
- Kids score each joke by groaning: a tiny sigh is a 1, a full flop onto the floor is a 5.
- The birthday kid judges the loudest groan, and that teller wears the paper Dad Joke Crown.
Kids vs. Grown-ups
7–12, plus grown-ups
Ages
6–20, two teams
Players
10–20 min
How long
- Split into a kids' team and a grown-ups' team.
- Teams take turns telling one dad joke to the other team.
- If anyone on the listening team laughs, smiles or groans, the telling team scores a point.
- First team to 7 points wins. Swap tellers every turn so everyone gets to tell one.
Borrowed from charades, where the full rules live.
Freeze-Frame Groan
4–10
Ages
6–25
Players
10–15 min
How long
- Play music and let everyone dance.
- Stop the music and read a dad joke out loud, punchline included.
- Everyone freezes in their most dramatic groan pose.
- The best pose picks the next song, and the dancing starts again.
Borrowed from freeze dance, where the full rules live.
When to run it
- As the opener, while grown-ups and kids are still in the same room.
- During cake, when the birthday kid wants an audience.
- At dinner, one joke per course.
More games for the same party: Indoor Party Games for Kids, Party Games for 8-Year-Olds and Party Games for 10-Year-Olds.
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Science party
A mad-scientist lab party built from goggles, food coloring and a volcano that behaves — fizzing experiments, glow-in-the-dark games, slime you make together, and a printable invitation.
Science party ideas
Sports party
A backyard field day — team colors, relay races, a medal ceremony from the craft drawer, and a printable invitation to send out to every young athlete.
Sports party ideasFrequently asked questions
- What makes a joke a dad joke?
- A dad joke is a pun so obvious that the groan is the point. It's clean, short and told with total confidence, which is why kids roll their eyes at home and then retell it at school.
- Are dad jokes good for kids?
- Yes. They are clean, built on wordplay and short enough to memorize, so they make good practice for reading out loud, timing and spotting words with two meanings. Most land from about age 6; the one-liners fit 8 and up.
- How do you tell a dad joke properly?
- Tell it with a completely straight face, then wait. The pause before the groan is half the joke. Never explain the pun; if nobody gets it, move straight on to the next one.
- How do you play dad jokes as a party game?
- Score the groans. Grown-ups take turns telling dad jokes and kids rate each one from a small sigh to a full flop on the floor. For a team version, the listening team has to keep a straight face or give up a point.
